Now Casting: Avatars Illustrated

39, web2.0 entrepreneur


First the bad news: My wife is insane
Now the good news: You can help

Oh, sorry, my name’s Mark Zackerly, I’m a Web2.0 entrepreneur. My wife is a performance artist. Only the “performing” and the “art” and the “reality” and the “fantasy”… she’s not on drugs… I don’t think, but her brain is like one of those “this is your brain on drugs — scrambled egg” commercials.

In reality we’ve been married ten years. Neither of us has had children – my bad I guess – but she claims to have a daughter from a previous relationship. Recently, I think, she’s started paying this Asian girl who looks nothing like her to, I guess, to role play, being her daughter. God – it’s so weird.

Now she wants someone to have a baby for her. I’m impotent. Wait, no, I’m infertile. Or, you know, whatever it’s called when the man isn’t fertile.

I’m not impotent.
I’m very potent.
I’m just not fertile.
Or whatever it’s called.

Anyway, the problem is, since we can’t have children, she wants, she thinks, she thinks she’s a cartoon, like Pinocchio, you know? She thinks she’s an online character.

So I’m impotent, or whatever, and I work a lot. You know, it’s a career, you try making something from nothing, it takes a lot of work, it takes a lot of time. So I guess I leave her at home a lot. And I guess she’s on the computer a lot. And anyway I guess she’s made up this fantasy life, or this fantasy character online. So she wants to have a baby. But she thinks she can’t conceive, or we can’t, so she wants someone to carry her “avatar DNA” so she can become a a real woman… with a real baby…

[refocusing from reverie he speaks directly to the camera]
My wife is a very sick woman.

I know it’s my fault. I’m an impotent workaholic. Maybe she was always this way. But it was cute at first. Now it’s just weird and a pain in the ass. Her doctor says if we try to just snap her out of it, we could damage her forever. So we have to play this thing through somehow if I’m ever going to get her back.

So the bad news: My wife is insane
But the good news is: You can help

We need you to have a baby for us.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: